If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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