Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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