dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
