I love black thongs
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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