If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
