She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
