If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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