Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
