I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
