I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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