Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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