Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
