Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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