I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We left the knife in your bed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
