what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
