I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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