When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize