Ketchup is God's man juice
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize