i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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