I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
