I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
