I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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