Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
