I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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