I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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