So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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