Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
