i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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