This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
