Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
