apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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