No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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