Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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