Girls should come with a carfax report
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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