I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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