Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
