and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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