the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
