he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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