Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
