I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
