your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
