I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
