I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
