and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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