I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
