He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
