dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
