Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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