We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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