Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize