As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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