Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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