I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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