you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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