how can u be prego again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
