I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
