Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
