i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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