i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
