I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
