i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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