okay pat passed out under dana's car
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
