But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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